Quarter Life Crisis

Maybe I'm just a bit stunt in my maturity, but I think the quarter life crisis has finally hit me in my thirties. It's been an odd year. 2010 and 2011 wasn't GREAT years, but by in large they weren't bad, nothing spectacular happen, nor did negative events dominate the calendar. But 2012, only four months in, and I must say I've had a much tougher time dealing with everything that has come. In short, it feels like everything that has gone wrong has, the things that typically go well and work themselves out haven't, and monumental events that have happened over the past four months have by in large been negative ones. It's as if the reality of life has really settled, and the statistics are no longer just numbers, but real! You know, you first hear the odds of cancer are 1 in 4, you experience your first love ones who under go chemo. It's not good, but you deal with it, then you hear about a second person, again you deal with it, express your sadness and accept that it's just that, life. But now, cancer's one thing, but you hear about depression, first case, second case, these things take a toll on you. You realize all your youthful energy and hope in that the person will get better, over the years, doesn't necessary get better. But you continue to invest and care for them. But now you see another close friend that is showing similar signs, "sigh" indeed. Then there are the fail relationships, you've seen, and the toll they take, then there are the relationships taking the wrong turn, and you see it developing in front of your eyes, yet again, yet you're not in the position to demand change, all you can do is... pray... At some point, you start to lose hope on a bad day. Again, it takes a toll. Personally, you stay true to your heart, you try to venture out, discover yourself, believe the best in others, and also that things will work out for you. As God has the best intentions for you, and you don't need to fear. Yet looking back, you wonder if your professional decisions really panned out when you compare the results of your decisions, management vs. having a master with no job right now... Relationally, all my past failed relationships have by in large positively impacted me. Yet over the past couple of years, the one friendship that never quite made it to the romantic relationship status has really impacted me, caused me great joy and stressed, and is constantly challenging me on how I should live my out faith. It's ridiculously to think that as I get older, I am being more impacted by the decisions and actions of someone else, because I should know better, and I should be more assure of myself. Yet this just isn't the reality. In general, I feel as if my sincerity of following my heart, pursuing my hearts passion, treating others with love and trust have caused me to rethink my posture in life. I have caught myself feeling angry, asking why do the deceiver succeed, how come the dishonest or disingenuous come out unaffected while my heart is sledded. Why is life so difficult? I don't have the answers, but today, I came across Jeremiah 12, and I just want to type this out, if even no one reads it, I believe this excise would be beneficial for my soul. Jeremiah 12 Righteous are you, O Lord, when I complain to you; yet I would plead my case before you. Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all who are treacherous thrive? You plant them, and they take root; they grow and produce fruit; you are near in their mouth and far from their heart. But you, O Lord, know me; you see me, and test my heart towards you. Put them, out like sheep for the slaughter, and set them apart for the day of slaughter. How long will the land mourn and the grass of every field wither? For the evil of those who dwell in it the beasts and the birds are swept away, because they said, "He will not see our latter end." "If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses? And if in a safe land you are so trusting, what will you do in the thicket of the Jordan? For even your brothers and the house of your father, even they have dealt treacherously with you; they are in full cry after you; do not believe them, though they speak friendly words to you." "I have forsaken my house; I have abandoned my heritage; I have given the beloved of my soul into the hands of her enemies. My heritage has become to me like a lion in the forest; she has lifted up her voice against me; therefore I hate her. Is my heritage to me like a hyena's lair? Are the birds of prey against her all round? Go, assemble all the wild beasts; bring them to devour. Many shepherds have destroyed my vineyard; they have trampled down my portion; they have made my pleasant portion a desolate wilderness. They have made it a desolation; desolate, it mourns to me. The whole land is made desolate, but no man lays it to heart. Upon all the bare heights in the desert destroyers have come, for the sword of the Lord devours from one end of the land to the other; no flesh has peace. They have sown wheat and have reaped thorns; they have tired themselves out but profit nothing. They shall be ashamed of their harvests because of the fierce anger of the Lord.

Cambodia Wrap-up

Wow, I can't believe it's almost been two weeks since I've came back from my travels in Cambodia and Hong Kong. Now that I've had an opportunity to slow down and recalibrate to the pace in Toronto, I want to wrap up some of my highlights and take-aways from this most amazing trip.

First off, I want to give a big shout out to Patrick, Carol, Malis, Nai, and Phearin from Empowering Cambodia. They took me in as family from touch down at the airport; they took me to lunch and dinner pretty much every night, provided me with the tools like a cell phone and office to work, as well as the freedom and support for me to site see as i gather photos for the organization. I would say it felt like my trip was orchestrated perfectly, all my doubts, my capabilities, and even my health were each taken care of that I may fully participate in the particular section of the journey. I look back now and it's pretty amazing how the little details were taken care of.. communication wise, I was able to get by with English. Transportation wise, i had mistakenly call someone who would turn out to be my driver for my time in Phnom Penh. Accommodation wise, my hotel took care of everything from breakfast, towels, to doing my laundry, as well booked me a hotel and found me a driver when i went to Siem Reap for a few days. Vocation wise, I thought I was there just to lend a hand in teaching some photography, but it turns out that there was a need for some photos since www.empoweringcambodia.com is revamping their website, and updated photos are needed of the staff, workers, and directors as well as pictures of all the projects. I felt like I had the dream job for 2 weeks, take pictures of things that are pretty, then talk about them as to what makes a good pictures. All in all, these feel allowed me to relax and feel as if I was right at home.

In fact there were so many "coincidences" that worked to my favour that I had no doubt what I was in Phnom Penh for. And when you stop questioning your value, you're able to truly enjoy the identity of who you are. In this case, a photographer and photography teacher for 10 days.

I learned that although my mind and my life up to this point could of been pointing one way, such as studying engineering, and planning to working in the sustainability field. But maybe, if I could let go of that "plan" of what I think I ought to become, I might find His path for me, and find it to be even more of a perfect fit and absolutely enjoyable. Especially at a time where it feels like the plan has been ripped away from me.

I am also reminded of the sovereignty of out God and he works for the good of his people. Each step I took on this journey, events orchestrated by Him have been exactly what I need and as well what others around me needed. I got to remember that this journey is more than just about me, while my own journey is my responsibility. Now I just need the same faith in treading the unknown as it refers to my professional and personal life.

Settling in

It's only my 5th day here in phnom penh, and I'm starting to really get comfortable here!

I've spent the past two days working 12 hrs day, actually more like 15hrs today... But it's been both fun, tiring, and rewarding. I got up at 530 this morning to get some sunrise shows, except I just missed it when I got there! Argh... So one more try tomorrow. It's great when ur responsibility is to take pictures and capture the essence of the city! Seriously, I feel like a bit of a journalist! This was theatrically my dream job if money isn't an issue... So far so good, but seriously tired... Been dripping droplets of sweat from my face this morning as I shot from 6 to 11am this morning, hitting the riverside, Wat phnom, and central market.

I love how affectionate ppl are here... So much so that I might just be too naive to realize I've been had.

Speaking of which, I got probably got completely ripped off! I thought what a great deal for a pair of dre pro studios for $130, so I bargained it down to $70. Then all my local friends laughed at me saying the market sells fake products! But the packaging looked soooo real!!!! Oh well, chulk it up to just being had :p bylaw, the look and sound GREAT!

So, other than being here to take photos for website, newsletter, and report, I'm here to teach photography and take picture of their product line! This is great fun! But stressful too cause I can't find a good backdrop, or lighting! I wish I had a flash! Is a sb-900 for $450 a good price?

I never knew how hard it was to teach... Especially with a limited time frame. An other whole new respect for teachers! Anyway, been keeping it to the basics teaching the leaders Phearin, Malis, Sonai, and Patrick the basic of photography. Boy they are great! Going thru two 3 hr sessions of photography for two days. At anyrate, God's really blessed me with all the things I remember from photography since grade 11. DOF, explaining how Bohek is created, composition, exposure, etc, etc... I just need to set up a forum to communicate a homework/critique to help provide feedback to photos take are taken. But yes, praise God.

Speaking of which, been just living a charmed experience here. I'm learning how to do my job, focus on my work, and not be effected by inconveniencing others. It sounds weird, but I always have this sixth sense that I'm inconveniencing others, and combine that with wanting to please others, I always end up doing my stuff last! Or not focusing on my task at hand for long. And this is at the root of not being able to really intentionally, plan a Sabbath or do things with sustained focus. Anyway, please pray that I learn how to focus, work, even if others are inconvenienced, and their inconvenienced is not my responsibility.

My cough is 85% gone! Praise praise our healer! I even forgot to take antibiotics last night! Will finish my meds, 6th pill tonight on the 7th night. Thank you guys for ur prayers. I can believe I'm getting better even when I'm doing more, working longer hours. And even eating local foods :) ummm... Yum!

Just want to say thank you to all who are reading and staying updated on my trip

Day two, exploring phnom penh

Day two has been an amazing adventure. I guess maybe the best way to describe it is like being on the Amazing Race. Woke up super early which was great, allows me to read, pray, meditate and update this blog not to mention reflect on this goodness.

But yesterday was one that of those days that one thing lead to another and another and another. I walked around town to ge to the royal palace, only to learn that no one walks here, only tourist like me. Everyone rides a motor bike :) after encountering about 15 tuk tuk drivers (think of them as taxi, motorcycle dragging a carriage), I've begin a simple no thank you face :) I've also got tired walking in the hot sun, and sat down when this Philippino couple started chatting with me and ended up invited me over for some traditional philippine food.

Then, walking around the palace, I met a new friend in Cambodia. She is also from Canada, and it became great as there was someone to travel with! We basically checked out the river side, got some local street cuisine, hopped on the back of her motor bike and through the hectic streets of phnom penh! It was great as we neither knew the directions, but we always end up finding a way!

Visited Tul Sleng, the genocide museum. It was dark! Really don't want to see anything like that again... There is just no boundaries to evil, and people's action are manifestation of that. Met a one of the few survivor of the site, and his story is brutal, I don't know how he can stand back in that place.

In the evening, I met my first local Cambodian friend, Precheoin. He took me to a youth revival concert, like hillsongs, then took me around town and then we met up with his friends and he took me around town on this motor bike. I must say I love the organize chaos that is of the phnom penh traffic. They understand the spirit of the driving rules, but no one actually follows 90% of the driving law. Haha :)

Anyway, I am thankful that I am getter healthier, though at times I still have a few coughing fits and stuffy nose.

I'm grateful for the mini adventures he has put me though while being in town.

I'm reminded to pray for the growing inequality in this town, the luxury suv drivers and the many pan handlers seeking for help in the immediate.

Please pray for the youths of this town who came out to the concert as it had everything that felt like a energizing concert, please pray that the curious will continue to seek beyond what is just seen, but a true relationship with the father which is not always tangible.

I ask for prayer in continual protection and take every opportunity to be a positive influence in all my actions.

First night in Cambodia

I'm finally here! First thoughts, it's humid, people are affectionate, i feel i can relate in that form. And my friend Patrick have greeted me at the hotel and show me a bit around the downtown of phnom penh. One thing i've found worrying is that the river looks dangerously high, and rain continues to be in the forcast. I'm not far fromthe river at all, contemplating this great rivers potential is scary.

Next, I've found myself constantly seeing and judging, there seem to be so many couples made up of a male foreigner with a local female. Some times, the relationship it seems the intend is just clear. And this was just from observation of a couple hours of eating dinner by the main river. At any rate, I need to learn to stop judging personally, but be reminded that I can only see action while His righteous justice sees and judges all.

Anyway, my cold and cough is gettig better each day.

My preparation has not increased, but my experience of His Grace and Peace have increased.

Thank you for the opportunity to meet, share a meal, talk, and prayer with and for one of your daughters in hk. I am constantly reminded that If I keep my head up, your plan just rolls in front of my next step.

Touch down in hk

Who would of thought my flight date coincided with the Apple iPhone 4gs release date in hk.

Everyone is lining up, I feel as if I should join in the frenzee! The guy at the front has been here since yesterday morning! Crazy!

Touch down in hk

Who would of thought my flight date coincided with the Apple iPhone 4gs release date in hk.

Everyone is lining up, I feel as if I should join in the frenzee! The guy at the front has been here since yesterday morning! Crazy!

About to hop onto a plane for Cambodia

The past few days have gone by really fast. First of all, there were lots to do in terms of getting ready for my Cambodia trip. But more so, I was under the weather, and a few days that I was getting better, the next day always seem to get worst. Yesterday, was a good example, I thought I was starting to get over my cold, but then this lingering cough keeps creeping back. I try to sleep early, have echinacea, honey, ginger, lemon, and rinse with Listerine regularly, only to find this morning I was coughing up with more than i remember the night before.

Anyway, as time is whining down, i just need to remember that there is nothing more I can do to prepare than just to pray and relax. It's been a tough few weeks. Definitely hasn't been my usual walk in the park.