The heart is a puzzle

So a few days in the uk has really helped me clear some misconception in my head.

My life was in limbo while I was in Toronto, no work, living at home, and haven't had a car until end of February. But on reason I didn't settle right away was because I wanted to come back to Cambridge. Why? I had a good experience there, great relaxing place, academics central, but most of all, Vivian.

Since my visit, I've realize how much my wanting to be n cambridge was to do with Vivian. I've realize, yes she's beautiful, but there is more to it because we click, and we have chemistry. But I also realize out life goals are pretty far apart... Makes me think that it might be better if we went out separate ways. But my heart would not agree, it wouldn't let go of her. I couldn't have what I want, and she didn't really want me or to be in a relationship right now. So, coming to it head on, I now feel weak and kind of linsy because I miss her company. In all respect, this is good because I can move on as I should of done six months ago... But why is the heart so stubbon. And why is it when a guy wants a girl but the girl is t interested, it's amist?

Anyway, I got to celebrate Easter today!! So happy.. I went to holy trinity brompton in London, saw Andrew? Gumble, and heard Tim Hughes sung I think. The energy was great, the congregation diverse, some praising in a slow worship, others where popping and rocking it. I fell in love with this picture of well produce Christian production as an sacrifice to our Lord. I want to share my life with someone shares that.

Also, I feel like work is finally settling down, Maybe I too can also settle in and stop spinning my wheels on time wasting thoughts.

love, parents, authenticity, sacrifice

Something i needed to jot down in the middle of the night on my iPhone

Two things, it's easy to love someone who is easy to love, easy to respect. But God calls us to love those who are aren't.

Second, I, like society, believes love is this freedom to live in absolute authentic self. But love requires sacrifice. I, we are not experiencing love to it's full extend if I don't sacrifice in love.

Random thoughts, a dog returning to it's vomit. Am I not learning? My parents keep hurting me, and I keep forgiving and returning. Do I need to forgive but move on? There's maybe this need to have space...

Diminish, Obama said in his book. "I am diminishing myself by doing this" he was refering to arguing to victory with his step dad. he was better at it, and he might of even been right, but when he was dimishing his character he thought...

Tears of Gold

It's the 6th day of the 2010 Vancouver winter Olympics, and it's starting to sink in. The pride of being Canadian.... and also the disappointments... There were the typical projected contenders that didn't qualify for the finals like Hamelin and Wotherspoon.... then there were some that were beaten by the better competitor that day like Jennifer Heil. I mean these Canadian competitors' performance and career are just as impressive with or without that gold, and I think no less of them. But all the talk about no home soil gold, and I started thinking no gold in Montreal... okay... its the summer olympics... but nothing in Calgary? Is this some sort of curse.... okay, fine they did the "Own the Podium" program.. so we should be fine right? We SHOULD have a gold this year. But I think I was still worry... and I didn't put all my emotions expecting a gold... so i wasn't able to completely celebrate with my the full joy when Bilodeau gold.

Then, there were the international critics on the delivery of the Olympics. One of the four touch didn't prop up to be lit, the delays after delays with the snow condition/fog, warm weather for this winter olympics, the olympia zamboni that left patches on the speed skating ice, and even a death not to say the least. It frustrates me that people are so quick to complain, though it's not all without merits. But we can't control the weather... and it's like people expect a perfect delivery. Is that where we're going these days? Look for faults in others and maybe feel better about ourselves? I mean it's not that bad.... yeah there are a few things we could of done better like the ice problems or had a back up plan on the giant torch. But seriously... chill people....

So these past couple days, it started sinking in. First the great story about his Bilodeau's brother with cerebral palsy supporting and encouraging him. But then in men's Snowboard Cross, Canada couldn't quite pull thru as Robertson (Canadian) who lead most of the race was edged out by Wescott (American). It was most upsetting just because I felt like we had it (gold that is).. he lead like 90% of the race! And the loud and 'in your face' type celebration of the American didn't help lift me up either... Then today, with my guard down, but cautious, I watched the wmns snowboard cross. My palms got sweaty as the semi shaped up because the top rider (American) were competing with the Canadian. When the US rider got disqualify for missing a gate, a sign of relief, until the finals. But as the race took place, I found my heart pumping harder and I somehow ended up on the edge of the sofa. When Maelle Ricker cross the finish line in first place, there was a sense of excitement in me that just erupted! I wanted to listen what she was going to say, I wanted to know where she was from, and just about everything else too. When she spoke to the CTV reporter, she was an absolute darling! I almost or probably DID tear up... I was like... I am again proud to be Canadian, just as Bilodeau, Robertson, Wotherspoon, Groves, Hamelin, and all of our Athletes that are so humble and have such a great perspective on life. But back to the Ricker and her interview... she had the sweetest voice with the cutest laugh... someone who truly enjoys the sport and just puts it all out there... Yup, another good representation of a Canadian.... I mean, how could all the critics be true if Canada is also run by people as great as these?

Anyway... I can't wait to enjoy the rest of the Olympics... ummm... here's an idea... maybe I can fly over to Vancity to enjoy a few days of the game..... live!