Quarter Life Crisis

Maybe I'm just a bit stunt in my maturity, but I think the quarter life crisis has finally hit me in my thirties. It's been an odd year. 2010 and 2011 wasn't GREAT years, but by in large they weren't bad, nothing spectacular happen, nor did negative events dominate the calendar. But 2012, only four months in, and I must say I've had a much tougher time dealing with everything that has come. In short, it feels like everything that has gone wrong has, the things that typically go well and work themselves out haven't, and monumental events that have happened over the past four months have by in large been negative ones. It's as if the reality of life has really settled, and the statistics are no longer just numbers, but real! You know, you first hear the odds of cancer are 1 in 4, you experience your first love ones who under go chemo. It's not good, but you deal with it, then you hear about a second person, again you deal with it, express your sadness and accept that it's just that, life. But now, cancer's one thing, but you hear about depression, first case, second case, these things take a toll on you. You realize all your youthful energy and hope in that the person will get better, over the years, doesn't necessary get better. But you continue to invest and care for them. But now you see another close friend that is showing similar signs, "sigh" indeed. Then there are the fail relationships, you've seen, and the toll they take, then there are the relationships taking the wrong turn, and you see it developing in front of your eyes, yet again, yet you're not in the position to demand change, all you can do is... pray... At some point, you start to lose hope on a bad day. Again, it takes a toll. Personally, you stay true to your heart, you try to venture out, discover yourself, believe the best in others, and also that things will work out for you. As God has the best intentions for you, and you don't need to fear. Yet looking back, you wonder if your professional decisions really panned out when you compare the results of your decisions, management vs. having a master with no job right now... Relationally, all my past failed relationships have by in large positively impacted me. Yet over the past couple of years, the one friendship that never quite made it to the romantic relationship status has really impacted me, caused me great joy and stressed, and is constantly challenging me on how I should live my out faith. It's ridiculously to think that as I get older, I am being more impacted by the decisions and actions of someone else, because I should know better, and I should be more assure of myself. Yet this just isn't the reality. In general, I feel as if my sincerity of following my heart, pursuing my hearts passion, treating others with love and trust have caused me to rethink my posture in life. I have caught myself feeling angry, asking why do the deceiver succeed, how come the dishonest or disingenuous come out unaffected while my heart is sledded. Why is life so difficult? I don't have the answers, but today, I came across Jeremiah 12, and I just want to type this out, if even no one reads it, I believe this excise would be beneficial for my soul. Jeremiah 12 Righteous are you, O Lord, when I complain to you; yet I would plead my case before you. Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all who are treacherous thrive? You plant them, and they take root; they grow and produce fruit; you are near in their mouth and far from their heart. But you, O Lord, know me; you see me, and test my heart towards you. Put them, out like sheep for the slaughter, and set them apart for the day of slaughter. How long will the land mourn and the grass of every field wither? For the evil of those who dwell in it the beasts and the birds are swept away, because they said, "He will not see our latter end." "If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses? And if in a safe land you are so trusting, what will you do in the thicket of the Jordan? For even your brothers and the house of your father, even they have dealt treacherously with you; they are in full cry after you; do not believe them, though they speak friendly words to you." "I have forsaken my house; I have abandoned my heritage; I have given the beloved of my soul into the hands of her enemies. My heritage has become to me like a lion in the forest; she has lifted up her voice against me; therefore I hate her. Is my heritage to me like a hyena's lair? Are the birds of prey against her all round? Go, assemble all the wild beasts; bring them to devour. Many shepherds have destroyed my vineyard; they have trampled down my portion; they have made my pleasant portion a desolate wilderness. They have made it a desolation; desolate, it mourns to me. The whole land is made desolate, but no man lays it to heart. Upon all the bare heights in the desert destroyers have come, for the sword of the Lord devours from one end of the land to the other; no flesh has peace. They have sown wheat and have reaped thorns; they have tired themselves out but profit nothing. They shall be ashamed of their harvests because of the fierce anger of the Lord.