Cambodia Wrap-up

Wow, I can't believe it's almost been two weeks since I've came back from my travels in Cambodia and Hong Kong. Now that I've had an opportunity to slow down and recalibrate to the pace in Toronto, I want to wrap up some of my highlights and take-aways from this most amazing trip.

First off, I want to give a big shout out to Patrick, Carol, Malis, Nai, and Phearin from Empowering Cambodia. They took me in as family from touch down at the airport; they took me to lunch and dinner pretty much every night, provided me with the tools like a cell phone and office to work, as well as the freedom and support for me to site see as i gather photos for the organization. I would say it felt like my trip was orchestrated perfectly, all my doubts, my capabilities, and even my health were each taken care of that I may fully participate in the particular section of the journey. I look back now and it's pretty amazing how the little details were taken care of.. communication wise, I was able to get by with English. Transportation wise, i had mistakenly call someone who would turn out to be my driver for my time in Phnom Penh. Accommodation wise, my hotel took care of everything from breakfast, towels, to doing my laundry, as well booked me a hotel and found me a driver when i went to Siem Reap for a few days. Vocation wise, I thought I was there just to lend a hand in teaching some photography, but it turns out that there was a need for some photos since www.empoweringcambodia.com is revamping their website, and updated photos are needed of the staff, workers, and directors as well as pictures of all the projects. I felt like I had the dream job for 2 weeks, take pictures of things that are pretty, then talk about them as to what makes a good pictures. All in all, these feel allowed me to relax and feel as if I was right at home.

In fact there were so many "coincidences" that worked to my favour that I had no doubt what I was in Phnom Penh for. And when you stop questioning your value, you're able to truly enjoy the identity of who you are. In this case, a photographer and photography teacher for 10 days.

I learned that although my mind and my life up to this point could of been pointing one way, such as studying engineering, and planning to working in the sustainability field. But maybe, if I could let go of that "plan" of what I think I ought to become, I might find His path for me, and find it to be even more of a perfect fit and absolutely enjoyable. Especially at a time where it feels like the plan has been ripped away from me.

I am also reminded of the sovereignty of out God and he works for the good of his people. Each step I took on this journey, events orchestrated by Him have been exactly what I need and as well what others around me needed. I got to remember that this journey is more than just about me, while my own journey is my responsibility. Now I just need the same faith in treading the unknown as it refers to my professional and personal life.

Settling in

It's only my 5th day here in phnom penh, and I'm starting to really get comfortable here!

I've spent the past two days working 12 hrs day, actually more like 15hrs today... But it's been both fun, tiring, and rewarding. I got up at 530 this morning to get some sunrise shows, except I just missed it when I got there! Argh... So one more try tomorrow. It's great when ur responsibility is to take pictures and capture the essence of the city! Seriously, I feel like a bit of a journalist! This was theatrically my dream job if money isn't an issue... So far so good, but seriously tired... Been dripping droplets of sweat from my face this morning as I shot from 6 to 11am this morning, hitting the riverside, Wat phnom, and central market.

I love how affectionate ppl are here... So much so that I might just be too naive to realize I've been had.

Speaking of which, I got probably got completely ripped off! I thought what a great deal for a pair of dre pro studios for $130, so I bargained it down to $70. Then all my local friends laughed at me saying the market sells fake products! But the packaging looked soooo real!!!! Oh well, chulk it up to just being had :p bylaw, the look and sound GREAT!

So, other than being here to take photos for website, newsletter, and report, I'm here to teach photography and take picture of their product line! This is great fun! But stressful too cause I can't find a good backdrop, or lighting! I wish I had a flash! Is a sb-900 for $450 a good price?

I never knew how hard it was to teach... Especially with a limited time frame. An other whole new respect for teachers! Anyway, been keeping it to the basics teaching the leaders Phearin, Malis, Sonai, and Patrick the basic of photography. Boy they are great! Going thru two 3 hr sessions of photography for two days. At anyrate, God's really blessed me with all the things I remember from photography since grade 11. DOF, explaining how Bohek is created, composition, exposure, etc, etc... I just need to set up a forum to communicate a homework/critique to help provide feedback to photos take are taken. But yes, praise God.

Speaking of which, been just living a charmed experience here. I'm learning how to do my job, focus on my work, and not be effected by inconveniencing others. It sounds weird, but I always have this sixth sense that I'm inconveniencing others, and combine that with wanting to please others, I always end up doing my stuff last! Or not focusing on my task at hand for long. And this is at the root of not being able to really intentionally, plan a Sabbath or do things with sustained focus. Anyway, please pray that I learn how to focus, work, even if others are inconvenienced, and their inconvenienced is not my responsibility.

My cough is 85% gone! Praise praise our healer! I even forgot to take antibiotics last night! Will finish my meds, 6th pill tonight on the 7th night. Thank you guys for ur prayers. I can believe I'm getting better even when I'm doing more, working longer hours. And even eating local foods :) ummm... Yum!

Just want to say thank you to all who are reading and staying updated on my trip

Day two, exploring phnom penh

Day two has been an amazing adventure. I guess maybe the best way to describe it is like being on the Amazing Race. Woke up super early which was great, allows me to read, pray, meditate and update this blog not to mention reflect on this goodness.

But yesterday was one that of those days that one thing lead to another and another and another. I walked around town to ge to the royal palace, only to learn that no one walks here, only tourist like me. Everyone rides a motor bike :) after encountering about 15 tuk tuk drivers (think of them as taxi, motorcycle dragging a carriage), I've begin a simple no thank you face :) I've also got tired walking in the hot sun, and sat down when this Philippino couple started chatting with me and ended up invited me over for some traditional philippine food.

Then, walking around the palace, I met a new friend in Cambodia. She is also from Canada, and it became great as there was someone to travel with! We basically checked out the river side, got some local street cuisine, hopped on the back of her motor bike and through the hectic streets of phnom penh! It was great as we neither knew the directions, but we always end up finding a way!

Visited Tul Sleng, the genocide museum. It was dark! Really don't want to see anything like that again... There is just no boundaries to evil, and people's action are manifestation of that. Met a one of the few survivor of the site, and his story is brutal, I don't know how he can stand back in that place.

In the evening, I met my first local Cambodian friend, Precheoin. He took me to a youth revival concert, like hillsongs, then took me around town and then we met up with his friends and he took me around town on this motor bike. I must say I love the organize chaos that is of the phnom penh traffic. They understand the spirit of the driving rules, but no one actually follows 90% of the driving law. Haha :)

Anyway, I am thankful that I am getter healthier, though at times I still have a few coughing fits and stuffy nose.

I'm grateful for the mini adventures he has put me though while being in town.

I'm reminded to pray for the growing inequality in this town, the luxury suv drivers and the many pan handlers seeking for help in the immediate.

Please pray for the youths of this town who came out to the concert as it had everything that felt like a energizing concert, please pray that the curious will continue to seek beyond what is just seen, but a true relationship with the father which is not always tangible.

I ask for prayer in continual protection and take every opportunity to be a positive influence in all my actions.

First night in Cambodia

I'm finally here! First thoughts, it's humid, people are affectionate, i feel i can relate in that form. And my friend Patrick have greeted me at the hotel and show me a bit around the downtown of phnom penh. One thing i've found worrying is that the river looks dangerously high, and rain continues to be in the forcast. I'm not far fromthe river at all, contemplating this great rivers potential is scary.

Next, I've found myself constantly seeing and judging, there seem to be so many couples made up of a male foreigner with a local female. Some times, the relationship it seems the intend is just clear. And this was just from observation of a couple hours of eating dinner by the main river. At any rate, I need to learn to stop judging personally, but be reminded that I can only see action while His righteous justice sees and judges all.

Anyway, my cold and cough is gettig better each day.

My preparation has not increased, but my experience of His Grace and Peace have increased.

Thank you for the opportunity to meet, share a meal, talk, and prayer with and for one of your daughters in hk. I am constantly reminded that If I keep my head up, your plan just rolls in front of my next step.

Touch down in hk

Who would of thought my flight date coincided with the Apple iPhone 4gs release date in hk.

Everyone is lining up, I feel as if I should join in the frenzee! The guy at the front has been here since yesterday morning! Crazy!

Touch down in hk

Who would of thought my flight date coincided with the Apple iPhone 4gs release date in hk.

Everyone is lining up, I feel as if I should join in the frenzee! The guy at the front has been here since yesterday morning! Crazy!

About to hop onto a plane for Cambodia

The past few days have gone by really fast. First of all, there were lots to do in terms of getting ready for my Cambodia trip. But more so, I was under the weather, and a few days that I was getting better, the next day always seem to get worst. Yesterday, was a good example, I thought I was starting to get over my cold, but then this lingering cough keeps creeping back. I try to sleep early, have echinacea, honey, ginger, lemon, and rinse with Listerine regularly, only to find this morning I was coughing up with more than i remember the night before.

Anyway, as time is whining down, i just need to remember that there is nothing more I can do to prepare than just to pray and relax. It's been a tough few weeks. Definitely hasn't been my usual walk in the park.

Prepare for Cambodia

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to start a new post as I plan for my trip to Cambodia over the next week! Please follow my blog as I'll be updating my events and journey.

I fly out on the 12th of October!

Come back for updates!

hk

The heart is a puzzle

So a few days in the uk has really helped me clear some misconception in my head.

My life was in limbo while I was in Toronto, no work, living at home, and haven't had a car until end of February. But on reason I didn't settle right away was because I wanted to come back to Cambridge. Why? I had a good experience there, great relaxing place, academics central, but most of all, Vivian.

Since my visit, I've realize how much my wanting to be n cambridge was to do with Vivian. I've realize, yes she's beautiful, but there is more to it because we click, and we have chemistry. But I also realize out life goals are pretty far apart... Makes me think that it might be better if we went out separate ways. But my heart would not agree, it wouldn't let go of her. I couldn't have what I want, and she didn't really want me or to be in a relationship right now. So, coming to it head on, I now feel weak and kind of linsy because I miss her company. In all respect, this is good because I can move on as I should of done six months ago... But why is the heart so stubbon. And why is it when a guy wants a girl but the girl is t interested, it's amist?

Anyway, I got to celebrate Easter today!! So happy.. I went to holy trinity brompton in London, saw Andrew? Gumble, and heard Tim Hughes sung I think. The energy was great, the congregation diverse, some praising in a slow worship, others where popping and rocking it. I fell in love with this picture of well produce Christian production as an sacrifice to our Lord. I want to share my life with someone shares that.

Also, I feel like work is finally settling down, Maybe I too can also settle in and stop spinning my wheels on time wasting thoughts.

love, parents, authenticity, sacrifice

Something i needed to jot down in the middle of the night on my iPhone

Two things, it's easy to love someone who is easy to love, easy to respect. But God calls us to love those who are aren't.

Second, I, like society, believes love is this freedom to live in absolute authentic self. But love requires sacrifice. I, we are not experiencing love to it's full extend if I don't sacrifice in love.

Random thoughts, a dog returning to it's vomit. Am I not learning? My parents keep hurting me, and I keep forgiving and returning. Do I need to forgive but move on? There's maybe this need to have space...

Diminish, Obama said in his book. "I am diminishing myself by doing this" he was refering to arguing to victory with his step dad. he was better at it, and he might of even been right, but when he was dimishing his character he thought...

Tears of Gold

It's the 6th day of the 2010 Vancouver winter Olympics, and it's starting to sink in. The pride of being Canadian.... and also the disappointments... There were the typical projected contenders that didn't qualify for the finals like Hamelin and Wotherspoon.... then there were some that were beaten by the better competitor that day like Jennifer Heil. I mean these Canadian competitors' performance and career are just as impressive with or without that gold, and I think no less of them. But all the talk about no home soil gold, and I started thinking no gold in Montreal... okay... its the summer olympics... but nothing in Calgary? Is this some sort of curse.... okay, fine they did the "Own the Podium" program.. so we should be fine right? We SHOULD have a gold this year. But I think I was still worry... and I didn't put all my emotions expecting a gold... so i wasn't able to completely celebrate with my the full joy when Bilodeau gold.

Then, there were the international critics on the delivery of the Olympics. One of the four touch didn't prop up to be lit, the delays after delays with the snow condition/fog, warm weather for this winter olympics, the olympia zamboni that left patches on the speed skating ice, and even a death not to say the least. It frustrates me that people are so quick to complain, though it's not all without merits. But we can't control the weather... and it's like people expect a perfect delivery. Is that where we're going these days? Look for faults in others and maybe feel better about ourselves? I mean it's not that bad.... yeah there are a few things we could of done better like the ice problems or had a back up plan on the giant torch. But seriously... chill people....

So these past couple days, it started sinking in. First the great story about his Bilodeau's brother with cerebral palsy supporting and encouraging him. But then in men's Snowboard Cross, Canada couldn't quite pull thru as Robertson (Canadian) who lead most of the race was edged out by Wescott (American). It was most upsetting just because I felt like we had it (gold that is).. he lead like 90% of the race! And the loud and 'in your face' type celebration of the American didn't help lift me up either... Then today, with my guard down, but cautious, I watched the wmns snowboard cross. My palms got sweaty as the semi shaped up because the top rider (American) were competing with the Canadian. When the US rider got disqualify for missing a gate, a sign of relief, until the finals. But as the race took place, I found my heart pumping harder and I somehow ended up on the edge of the sofa. When Maelle Ricker cross the finish line in first place, there was a sense of excitement in me that just erupted! I wanted to listen what she was going to say, I wanted to know where she was from, and just about everything else too. When she spoke to the CTV reporter, she was an absolute darling! I almost or probably DID tear up... I was like... I am again proud to be Canadian, just as Bilodeau, Robertson, Wotherspoon, Groves, Hamelin, and all of our Athletes that are so humble and have such a great perspective on life. But back to the Ricker and her interview... she had the sweetest voice with the cutest laugh... someone who truly enjoys the sport and just puts it all out there... Yup, another good representation of a Canadian.... I mean, how could all the critics be true if Canada is also run by people as great as these?

Anyway... I can't wait to enjoy the rest of the Olympics... ummm... here's an idea... maybe I can fly over to Vancity to enjoy a few days of the game..... live!

I feel terrible and confident at the same time

What an eventful trip… I just spent 9 days in HK with my parents, and needed to do a little indy exploring of HK. Then I went to Seoul Korea with them and spent 4 solid days with them. This was a true trial for me. I never experience such difficultly living with any person in my life. I seriously mean what I just said.

Here is how I would describe it. I’ve always thought my parents were supportive of me, and have a similar concept of unconditional love which I have, or we all might have. However, I was completely derailed with a huge argument with my mother. In essences, love is a condition base on the way they understand love to be. Yes, I know, we all have a preconception of how we view love, and hence we have to work hard to accept the way others see love. However, I found there are some fundamental contradiction to how mum views love which makes living my love, or my life as a Christian difficult. First, the condition is base on the fact that they are my parents, ‘honouring’ them means to do as they ‘think’ and ‘say’. Me having a growingly vast different concept of love, have a tough time accepting this. In a real life example, it would be something like this. I see someone in help, so I offer to help, I get this nagging look from my mum or dad that either, ‘what dod you think you can do to help?’, or ‘why are you bothering with stranger’. Usually, this is all good and fine because things I consider to help is cases when someone forgot something and chase after them to tell them, and all people would do this. But things I am noticing these days are old ppl having difficulty climbing the stairs, and I want to offer my assistant, but my parents would just walk on by. Or, there is a kid running around a public palace looking for his mum, I didn’t speak the language, but I felt compel to act, so I paused what I was doing with my family (taking dress up photo with rented traditional costume) to try to talk with the kid. No help. But I felt like I needed to try. Anyway, I feel this tension, ‘why are you helping strangers and not caring about the family. You will happily give money to help children in the third world, but not a penny goes home. Again, I would love to give to home, but it’s not the issue, the issue is that I feel and see the need more in a place outside my four walls. ‘I keep on remembering to pray for “break my heart for what break Yours”. But now I see the consequence, I heard there was persecution, but I never thought it would be from my free thinking family…. It’s really the first time I’ve felt hard to be a Christian… maybe better put, it’s the first time I really feel difficult to be a grown and more mature adult.

So as I mentioned, it’s difficult because it becomes this viscous cycle, the more I help the more my parents think I care about others and less about them. Who knows maybe it’s true. So with my family and extended family, I try to watch and learn how others deal with my mother and father. My aunts are patient, they listen, and act even when they don’t agree, they mention how my mom cares by worrying, nagging, and planning to act in such a manner that she thinks the other person will appreciate this special gesture such as ‘saying she wants a beer, and then getting it and giving it to the person she had intended to like the beer.’ Sound complicated? Well, it is, but really it isn’t once you’ve lived it. It’s even great at first, but terrible when you don’t have any specific physical needs. When you need someone to listen, they try tell you everything she knows in other to try and help. Anyway , another thing that really really frustrates me, and be honest with me, am I just being selfish? Or should I try to stand my ground but express it in a different way. Here’s the situation, we go shopping, because mum and sis want to buy stuff, and want to bring souvenirs back home. I get it, so we go shopping. I’m done with the mall in about 15 minutes and decided to get something to eat and drink and get out of the shops. We finish shopping in an hour or so, my mom, sis, and aunts ended up getting enough stuff to fill a small box (and by small I mean pick-up-able by two hands, and weights considerably). Obviously it’s not too heavy, because I can pick it up, and I can probably walk home with it with some considerable stress, but definitely can be done. I would probably offer to do it for a girl I’m going after. So here’s the thing, my dad thinks I should be forthcoming in offering my service without being asked. And I get what he means. I should as a guy be a gentleman. And you know what, I’d do this for any of my friends or aunts. But it was the attitude that really frustrated me, there was this expectance, that as a son, you do this, no asking, and definitely no thank you. Basically, as a son, you have a responsibility. Yes I agree, but the responsibility requires a FREE WILL to do. I should not be guilt into acting, nor should I be coheased. Just hear me out for a minute here. If we played this out… if and especially in a family, if you are expected to do things without a thank you, or an acknowledgement that someone is sacrificing, or worst yet, that you are expected to fulfil a duty where two members of the family might not see eye to eye. Can you imagine such a relationship without proper communication? It would play-out into this entitlement attitude, mean spirited self-righteous, lack of respect, and selfish environment. There would be know, thanks mom for dinner, or thanks sis for treating. And yes, we don’t say this everyday, we know this because we give a nod, or we acknowledge in our hearts that we are thankful for services of each of the family member. But can you imagine what would happen if we go to a restaurant and the bill comes and the parents get upset because neither the son nor the daughter picks up the tab instinctively?

So things like this have really challenged me these past 15 days or so. Not to mentioned the difficulty of added friction with less patience between each comment between my parents and me. It’s simply things like ‘why did you run off to the washroom without taking your luggage out of the coach?’, or ‘why are you on the computer when you’re waiting for the bus, (subtle meaning of: you should of put things away so that you have hands to help our family)’. Truth is, he’s right, this is something I would do if any of us in fact needed help. We all had a CARRY ON, and my sister had an extra box which sat on her carry on. I am at a lost for words except that this is probably not that important as our patience are all wearing thin. As for my mom, she’s still telling me to go do stuff that I think are poorly planned and interrupted plans that I had intentionally try to put the family first. I adapted and executed her plan, but my face was full of dissatisfaction as I wanted to explain to her why I think it’s a bad idea. But instead I just left and did as she was told. It was difficult (acting against my better judgement and not the plan), but it turned out great. It gave me free time to think and start this long blog entry/email to my parents. Anyway, I know it’s not always going to end with the same result, and it’s going to be a constant batter for me to fight against my developed worldview and decision making versus my parents’ perspective and desires for me and my action. I know in my heart they love me, just in a different way, with a different definition of love. As love represents 3 meaning, and they best express their love with one kind. Anyway. I’m almost home, on the bus on the way to Tai Wai. I better get going, I’m looking forward to some alone time.

....

Update, dad just came to talk to me. He said I made mom feel horribly disappointed. The entire trip, she wanted me to be somewhat of the son she had in mind which she can be proud of. But to be absolutely honest, I don't know how to be that person... i just know how to be myself for better or for worst. But my dad was expressing that I need to have a higher standard when treating my mom. He expressed how I was selfish and never treated anyone on the trip, i just went off on my own to buy a coffee or get food. I then explained to him how 3/4 of my money went into treating the group, i bought a cake, paid for the taxi ride, bought coffee for my aunt, and etc. Yet since i kept it private except for my aunt which knew i bought the coffee, nobody else knew i treated, including my parents, therefore they felt i was selfish. And my dad said that the feeling is just as important. So i thought... is it then that i need to boast? or what about the people that look generous but in fact are not in reality? Anyway, more conflict on my part to express 'gua' in such a way that other's know i'm paying for it without being boastful. I'm not sure if i agree with this POV. Can anyone offer a form of suggestion as how to hand such a contradiction? Anyway, i feel terrible.

So there were several more things, such as carrying 'physically heavier items' which I mentioned earlier. But i think the deeper problem is at the foundation. The condition of my mother's heart is shading the way she views the virtue of kindness, generosity, wisdom, honestly. I'm not sure if I'd ever get at the core of it.... but I do know my father can reach her still, and maybe it'll require a partnership for this to work. The problem is that my father and I are far from any form of partnership as he always views father-son should be in some form of hierarchy. So today, we agreed that I need more patience, but to be honest, we ALL need more patience, because I am definitely not the one in my family that looses their cool often, except I'm the only one that will admit it... and my sister..... I try to bring forth that if we all work as a team in the family to support each other instead of tearing each other down at everything we do wrong, we might stop being so defensive and start listening to each other again. But my pops isn't exactly listening....

anyway.... one last item... I feel terrible about it already. My Gu Jai wanted to take me out.... and i said i wanted to look at suits because it's probably the one practical thing i can buy from HK, not to mention my aunt and Nora are excellent in fashion. Anyway, my dad comes out today after talking with her all upset, because she's taking me to 'shop'. He has no faith or trust in me that I'm really practical and really only would buy something i can afford or would see value in it in the future. Because he said, why do you want to look at suit, do you need one? You know Gu Jai is just going to pay for it if you find anything. Tell her you don't want to go see suits, but say it nicely, and not directly. Now i know my Gu Jai understands what meant when i told her I wanted to look at suits, and I know my dad is also right that she is going to insist to pay for it if i find something i like. But chances of that are fairly low, and that i wouldn't get it now anyway because it's not going to be REALLY on sale. But when i called my aunt back, i had to tell her i really didn't want to see a suit anyway, i don't have luggage space.... well, that was definitely a lie, i would like to go with them to do something they are good at, and something i would enjoy. Furthermore, it would help me in plan for the future as to what i might get and what price point i might be getting this fashion from. Anyway. I just feel terrible because I sort of intentionally mislead someone.

This apple fell far from the tree...

I had this thought conjure up in me today while I was reading a book, the story took place in South Africa during the time of the apartheid. The language and writing style was very much emphatically based. I was reading about a father, who is walking in the house of his recently diseased son whom was killed by a young black teen. The father and his son whom are white have very different perspective on the blacks. His son was a champion in speaking out against the injustice of the blacks, while the father never really cared about the topic and he doesn't have much respect for the blacks, but he doesn't have anything against them neither.

The thought that came to me was the fact that no matter how a son might have grown, or have a new changed perspective, his father might refused to learn or accept his son's perspective. I think one reason is because of the role reversal. However, it might take the sudden death of the son which might trigger the yearning of the father to walk in his son's life, and grasp with the ideas the son believes. In this book, the son leaves his convictions behind as he was abruptly murdered. As the father grasps with the words, there are a certain quality to the thoughts (because of it's truth), there is a certain emotion (because it was his last words, as he never finished the sentence), and also because this was a perspective the father never care to ponder much about (so there is this side of his son that he never got to know).

While I was reading, the author left the impression of the sadness of the community and the father and mother over the abrupt death of the son. The thought were, of all white people, why would the blacks kill a white man that champions their cause. The sadness of the inability of his son to live out his convictions. Yet as I read this, I felt... if I was in the middle of something where I had a life conviction of, and my life ended in the midst of that. That would be quite amazing! The fact that my life, is occupied by tasks that I fundamentally am incline to, and am convicted about. What more can a man ask for? In fact, I had never had a good answer of how I wanted to go... i often cop out and say 'in my sleep', well, i think now i have a new answer. Doing something I have a conviction for... in my tombstone, i want it to say, he died serving the cause to better humanity. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Anyway, that was one point, the other is this. The fact that it took the death of a son for the father to mourn, ask questions, before beginning to understanding his son's point of view. How difficult is it to truly communicate to a father? One that is close minded and stubborn? Is it possible that there is no solution unless something truly catastrophic that shakes him to the core of his foundation? I'm at a complete lost at the moment. I'm not saying I'm not close minded, stubborn, or even impatient. But right now, I feel it might be impossible to really connect with my father.... truly I say, to connect at more than an intellectual level, and more then just a emotional level, but a conversation that allows for true self reflection might never be possible. And as I read this book, the insight of the author, and the circumstances laid out in the book made me ask questions which had no answers, except that I feel so much of what the son is writing.... and now read by the father.

Celebration after the first draft

Coming up for air. That's probably a good way to describe it, have you ever just will and forced yourself to put in the effort to get something done? This dissertation, at a point, after writing about 13,000 words, and I haven't gotten to my analysis, my core report yet, I was getting worried as I'm only allowed 15,000 words inclusive... of references, and everything. But the really tough part for me was that I never saw the light at the end of the tunnel, i just knew that I had to get a draft done, and after last week, I got a first draft done, yes i am about 7000 words over, and i was missing a few points that can round out my arguement, but finally, i have something done, something that i can at least work on the next week to finish. It was super rewarding to finally get something done early, and be somewhat proud of it.... So naturally, last Friday (yesterday), i went to the highest class resturaunt in my life.... It's call Midsummer House, one of five, 2 Michelin stars resturaunt. I lavishly spend money probably that I am going to need after this year... but this 6 course meal was 'legendary'! It felt more like 8 course with all these small in betweens, but it was really good food.

Chef, Daniel Clifford
Six Course £65
Bordeaux £14













1. Some sort of sorbet? A richman's bloody mary as i was explained to by my friend
2. Chorizo, fried, wth some interesting taste
3. Cheese puffs, that's the best way i can describe it... but it's darn good


Ummm... they serve us this champagne grapfruit foamy thing :D


Umm, bread first, but then this green soup, with tiger prawns, and onion jelly i think... i can't tell, they had a french accent. But the bread was good, the crust was.... crunchy like...


Pork belly..., apple, it had a bit of chai-sui with sui-jao, but the wrapped pork belly was absolutely delcious... and the presentation was pretty darn good... oh it came with two difference sause, one was an apple puree, and i have no idea what the other was


Mackel, and caviar... done just perfect, the fish was nice and crispy on the outside, tender and so tasty on the inside.... :) ad caviar.. well i can't tell why this stuff is so expensive


1. Some part of the lamb, 'probably the best lamb i've ever had' said my friend, i'd have to agree....
2. lamb tounge, seems like it's sheered and salted.... really good stuff....
3. tomato or pepper, with beef strips.... like stewed? i don't konw.. but the combination was amazing!


Ummm... started eating this before i took a picture, there was ginger flakes, some jelly some crust, and some more pineapple pudding... really good


I don't know... there was pineapple, coconut, and lime.... you figure it out, oh this clear sheet of somethign... really cool... everything look so hand made!

Anyway... i've come to realise it's more of an experience you've going for... the food is as good as you're going to get, never going really understand how this stuff cooked, apparently, from what my friend was eating at another table, some of these things take overnight to soak and bake at super low heat, to get this beetroot infused, glucose gelatian... i don't know, but the process sounded like an engineering experiment :D

Anyway... presentation, and ambience was perfect cambridge....
-yes, that's dry ice

Anyway, going punting/pinic on the boat Saturday...

Much ado about nothing

It's amazing, how much i've never understood Shakespeare much in high school. Maybe it was because i wasn't interested, or alternatively, it was just beyond my comprehension. However, I must say, I think I have a new theory, when Shakespeare is acted out, and acted out well, it's so much easier to get the general idea.

Last night, my friend Hero invited me out to watch the play Much ado about nothing (how appropriate when the play keeps refering to one of the key characters, fair Hero) at St. John's college. I must say, the performance was great, and the overall experience was fabulous. It was a chilly evening, relatively clear skis with both blue and white, turning golden orange nad purple as the play progressed. Sitting on a picnic on the grass, with fresh bread, dips, and other chips also helped. Either way, it was a wonderful experience, i laughed, food was exactly the right type, and the play was 2 and a half hours long. I kinda wish thsi would happen more often. Anyway, no pictures to show cause i forgot my camera. But it was definitely a good high light to end off the month. :D

End of a chapter

To be honest, i'm not big for writing about endings as it sometimes seem so gloomy, setting your foot, one step before the other, knowing that it might be uncertain, and even difficult, but that this action of ours is what keeps us dependent on Him. So yes, contradictory, i know, but i guess it's like looking at it this way, i'm holding on tightly to this £20 note, but i have been given a £50 note, or even a £500 note (if that even exists). But yes, the uncertainty, or the lack of faith is sometimes what makes choices difficult.

Anyway, i wanted to say that even near the end, if you can put your imminent emotions aside, you can enjoy what you've been given. All I guess I am saying is.... I had a good time in Santorini. Here are the pictures.

http://picasaweb.google.com/hkwong05/SantoriniJuly2009#

I'm writting again!

Yes! It's nice to set aside some time to put pencil on paper, and process life as you live through it. It's been an especially difficult month in put time aside as I've been back in Toronto for a couple weeks for a friend's wedding, followed by watching classmate's marathon in Edinburgh, finally ending up in Cyprus at a friend's resort type house & beach house. Then when I got back, all I thought about was how behind i was on my dissertation. I ended up trying to catch up and work, but wan't very productive. But I'll talk about my trip and my time back in Cambridge in the next several entry. All I know is, my life has been a little imbalance, and it starting to show when all I talk about is one item, alternative, i find i can get frustrated easier because my patience is running short as i feel like i don't have enough time.

So let me talk a bit about the wedding and my time in Toronto. First of all, amazing job to my friends that planned it, they really treated their guests, and both the venue, food, and people were all first class. I absolutely had a wonderful time, and in fact the trip back for the wedding was well worth my time and money.



It was a strange time to return to Toronto, it seems everyone is hooking up, moving on, and just generally on to another stage of their lives. Most of my closest friends are getting married this year, the ones that aren't have just at the very early stage of starting something new with their significant other. Then there are the ones moving, settling into a new job, looking for a new job, or even a complete career change. All this resulted in very different experience then when i went back in December.

All in all, this motion in life i would argue is a good thing, we need to move out of our comfort zone in order to realize our limitations, open our eyes, and be able to realize how much our dependence should be on our Father. I really hope that this is becomes worthy life experience for all who embark on this new journey.

Which brings me to this realization I've had lingering around for a while, that it's not the most personable, charismatic people that have the best relationships. In fact, it's contrary to popular believes, that most approached or datable people don't always end up with the best relationship. And i think i am beginning to understand why, people who don't often have relationship just might tend to value a relationship more when they do have one, they realize the amount of work it takes to protect and build a relationship, and following that, they value what they have instead of thinking there is something better. Furthermore, they are willing to reflect and look internally to see how they might have to change to accommodate the other. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion of not trying to be most charming, good looking, or even kind to get and keep a girlfriend. Although some of these qualities are important, the most important part is caring and loving the other person. And by love, i don't mean the infatuated emotional dependence love, but the love that requires sacrifices, continually building the friendship, and also practice unconditional forgiveness. But though this is a relationship's success heavily depended on.

Alright, i've attach some of the picture from the wedding... not all of the photos are taken by me.
http://picasaweb.google.com/hkwong05/JonAndMichelleSWedding#

Contacts, My Eye, It Worked!

So I just had to try it again, this is my third time going to an optometrist, I was at a drug store with a friend picking up his glasses, and i was just browsing since he had to get the spectacle adjusted. Anyhow, the lady working there asked if I needed anything, and I was like "nope, just waiting for a friend, thanks." ...... "wait, excuse me, do you do contacts here?"

well, a couple minutes later, i booked an eye appointment, and a contact wearing session.

For those who don't know, i've tried this like 2 or 3 times at an optometrist at Pacific Mall, and i wasn't anywhere close to getting it on, not even that, i don't even know how it was suppose to be if i got it on. Anyhow, i thought, what the heck, i've been here spinning my wheel trying to resolve my dissertation topic, and can't come up with anything solid, so i thought i'd get an early morning in, come to Boots, and then go to work.

Anyhow, I got in, the "real optometrist" gave me like an hour session, FULL CHECK-UP! soooo nice.... and get this, she even put in the contacts for me! i was like... WOW, this is cool, it can actually be done! Then i started feeling a little dizzy as the image wasn't as clear as when i had my glasses on... uncertain as to why, she explain because i had a slight astigamism. Anyway, it was cool, i was like... it'd be amazing to get lazer eye surgey! Anyway, that's for another day.

So half an hour later, i learned how to put in the contacts properly, that was beautiful! Anyway, just wanted to share that, it took me forever to get them in, but at least there's hope now! i might not be blind playing playing ice hockey :D

*Yawn - but i can't fall asleep...

yikes, it's been for the better part of the week, but i can't fall asleep. it's really annoying. i'm writing right now because i can't fall asleep. my sleeping schedule has been a bit messed since last week. but you'd think with a couple of early mornings, and sleeping early, i'd be able to get back into the cycle. but i can't, i'm stuck here, in no where land, not completely awake and energetic, nor am i able to sleep like everyone else. i am very annoyed.... maybe something's on my heart because it does feel heavy... then again, maybe it was just the coffees i had this afternoon.

well, i am going to try and do something productive.... or maybe just watch a movie... but yeah... looking forward to tomorrow, a friend is visiting town... i'm really excited about that :)

Phew! It's over for now!

Wow, just finish my last assignment. man, I haven't hit such a wall writing so much in the past 3 weeks. I probably 'read', or skim 30 journals or chapters of a book, probably glanced over 30+ that were not of use, wrote 3 papers on ethics in globalisation, Japan's post-war catch-up strategy, and sustainable engineering development plan for Cornwall. Probably typed about 12,000 words, and they each essay just got less coherent as I just lost it. Have you ever got to the point where you read and nothing makes sense, you re-read it 5 minutes, later and it makes complete sense..... only to forget it in 15 minute, and then you read it, and it makes no sense again.... the best part is, it is my OWN writing. Can you imagine me looking for papers I've read to reference? Man, this was tough, i couldn't keep the information in my head and just type.

Anyway, projections, globalisation, B, stratregy policy, B-, engineering development, C..... yeah, not my best work.... But I am done... literally, just completed like 5 minutes ago. I stayed up all night to finish the paper, but the assistance isn't in yet, so i'm stuck in the office waiting... but i'm assuming that she'll be in soon, so that i can go home :D

Anyway, a couple updates, after comin back from Geneva, i had this craving for fondue... ummmm.... :D to my surprise, i made some good fondue! Well, i didn't do anything, i bought a chunk of gruyere from Tescos... such a nice store once you get aquainted, and then i just put some garlic in, melt the cheese in low temp, and dipped some fresh french baggettes... it was pretty good! Oh, almost forgot to mention, had a gerwurtzraminer with the fondue....FANTASTIC!

The other great thing that happen in the week was that I finally gave up looking for the brown pair of shoes which i've been looking for all year! The shoes here are either not the right style, or they are too expensive. Mostly, they are just not the right style, and for those who know me, you know how darn picky i can be :P Anyhow, as i was shopping for shoes, the nth time now, i had a eurika moment! I realise shoes here don't exactly go "on sale" like they do in Canada, they just disappear off the shelf when they don't sell, and they have sales like 3 times a year to get rid of their stock. Anyway, i realize that the prices weren't really going to go down unless i get really lucky. At the same time, the sun was out, it was really getting warm, and I've been getting off the brown/fall colour mood.... i kinda wanted the bright summer colours! On top of which, i realise that I've always wanted a pair of converse, but never bought them cause i thought they were too expensive , something like $70 CDN for the black hightops. Anyway, with the exchange rate somewhere between 1.8-1.9, and the fact that these converse NEVER go on sale either in Canada or UK (really effective marketing), and that they are £34.99 here... Not to mention that i found out Schuh, a shoe store here, hehehehe...... gives 10% discount to students! So, i paid £30 including tax for my new shoes! yah! say high to the rest of the shoe family taylors....